Mardi 24 avril 2007 à 19:45

    Je t'ai recroisé. Combien d'années plus tard ? Peu. Et beaucoup à la fois. Ca n'a pas de sens, le regard surpris que tu as eu. Me trouves-tu toujours belle ? Je me rappelle de ce jour où tu m'avais parlé. Tu m'impressionnais. J'étais provocante pour oublier que je ne m'aimais pas. Tu es venu vers moi, rougissante, sous le préau, le nez caché dans mon col roulé. Quelques mots. Je me rappelle de ton parfum, surtout. Encore aujourd'hui, si je croise un homme qui le porte, je ralentis le pas, et je respire. Ca parfum qui plus tard restait longtemps sur ma peau, et en fermant les yeux, je te voyais. Oui, je t'aimais, comme on aime la première fois que l'on sait que l'on tombe. Je me rappelle qu'on faisait exprès de se croiser dans les couloirs, que toutes tes amies étaient jalouses de moi. Tu étais le plus beau. Mais, mon Dieu, tu es encore si... Je t'aimais tellement, que l'amour que j'ai pour David aujourd'hui n'est rien à côté. Et si tu savais à quel point j'aime David... C'est lui qui me tenait la main tout à l'heure, quand je suis passée devant. Tu l'as vue, ma phrase en suspens, quand mon regard est tombé dans le tien, mais tu n'as pas su la chute intérieure. Tu n'as pas entendu les mots confus que j'ai à peine murmurés à David. Mais mes faux sourires, tu les connais depuis longtemps, et ça, tu l'as reconnu. Tu sais, devant chez David, on trouve de la cocaïne dans le caniveau, et je vois que ça lui fait envie, ou qu'il aimerait bien se remettre à revendre, histoire de se faire un peu de blé plus facilement. Tu sais, je ne sais même pas pourquoi j'écris ces mots. Je ne t'aime plus. Mais il me reste ce goût d'inachevé, cette amertume de ce dont on ne saura jamais la bonne fin. Il paraît qu'il y a des fois où il faut savoir oublier. Ou faire semblant... Quand je t'ai vu, j'ai eu la vague envie d'esquisser l'ombre d'un geste, ou d'un sourire, mais il y aurait eu bien trop d'ombres dedans. Et puis, c'est du passé, hein ? On ne va pas s'encombrer avec ça.
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